I’m Choosing Abstinence

Whether you made a decision for abstinence or secondary virginity this is one of the most important decision you’ll make!

Benefits of Choosing Abstinence

  1. Healthy Relationships: Both Now and in the Future!
  2. Avoiding Painful Consequences.
  3. The Ability to Achieve Your Goals!
  1. Healthy Relationships: Both Now and in the Future!
    • Saving sex until marriage offers many benefits for your current relationships.
      • It allows you to focus on really getting to know your boyfriend or girlfriend without sex becoming the focus of your relationship.
      • You can have confidence that your boyfriend/girlfriend is really dating you because of who you are not because of what they can get out of the relationship.
      • You don’t have to experience the fear of giving such an intimate part of yourself to someone and wondering if they will break up with you or if they really love you.
      • You can focus on building your relationship rather than worrying about getting an STD/STI or about getting pregnant before you are ready.
    • Saving sex for marriage will enhance your future marriage relationship.
      • You will have built your relationship on a solid foundation based on what you have in common mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, instead of being distracted by the physical attraction.
      • You can have confidence that your spouse is committed to you 100%. If he/she had the strength to wait for you and demonstrate self control before marriage, how much more committed will your spouse be when you get married?
      • You have a special bond that connects you to your spouse knowing that sex is something shared only by the two of you.
      • You can focus on really getting to know each other while you date and when you do get married, sex is just the icing on the cake. Your relationship already will be strong, and you have the rest of your lives to explore and perfect sex together in a faithful, trusting, and committed relationship.
      • Why is marriage worth waiting for?
  2. Avoiding Painful Consequences
    • Avoid facing an unplanned pregnancy when you abstain from sex.
      • Choosing abstinence allows you to be free of the fear or the reality of facing an unplanned pregnancy.
      • Pregnancy Facts
    • Avoid getting a sexually transmitted disease or infection because of your actions
      • If you choose abstinence, you will never have to worry about getting an STD/STI. That is a very freeing thing!
      • STD/STI Facts
    • Avoid the emotional pain that comes from a broken sexual relationship.
      • When you have sex there is an emotional bond that takes place. When that bond is broken, damage is done and it hurts.
      • Most people think of the physical consequences of sex, but even if a physical consequence is not experienced, you will most likely experience some sort of emotional pain.
      • Some emotional results of a broken sexual relationship include feeling used, cheap, abandoned, alone, suicidal, depressed, guilty, angry, jealous and empty. Many people also experience a low self-esteem.
      • Statistics on Suicide and Depression rates among sexually active teens
  3. The Ability to Achieve Your Goals!
    • If you choose abstinence, you will avoid some of the painful consequences that could hinder you from achieving some of your goals and dreams.
    • “Teen parents are less likely to complete school-less than one-third of teens who have a child before age 18 ever earn a high school diploma. Only 1.5% earn a college degree by the ago of 30.”1
    • Some STI/STDs can cause infertility. Imagine being married and deciding to start a family and realizing that a high school boyfriend or girlfriend who had given you a STI/STD had caused you to be unable to have the children now that you want
    • Emotional distractions of very serious relationships can cause you to not focus on your high school or college career which could have a long lasting effect on your future.
    • Past sexual relationships could affect the ability you have to bond with your husband/wife someday. Visual pictures and memories from past sexual relationships don’t disappear when you get married, neither do the hurts and wounds from broken relationships. Your choice about sex now will have an impact on your future marriage.

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Choosing Secondary Virginity

Secondary virginity is exactly what the name says. You are making a choice to start over and choose abstinence even though you had chosen to be sexually active in the past.

You’ve chosen to make a decision for secondary virginity. Congratulations! You have just made one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Whether or not you have experienced the negative consequences of sex outside marriage, you can look forward to a future of being free from exposure to previous hazards. Take a moment to rejoice in the fact that you will never have to worry about unplanned pregnancies or STDs like you have before!

Just as every new life changing decision, this decision comes with new responsibilities and adjustments. Below is a list of tips to help make it easier to wait until your wedding night.

  1. Create a reminder of your commitment and be excited about it.
    • Some Ideas: Sign a purity pledge or wear a ring on your wedding finger to remind yourself that you’re saving sex for marriage.
    • Never forget that you are making a decision to have the best in the future. Be excited about this knowing that the best is to come.
  2. Tell the person you’re with or any one that you begin to date in the future about your commitment.
    • If they don’t support you then you should consider whether or not you should be in that relationship. Remember it’s your future, not theirs.
    • If they tell you “If you really loved me you would have sex,” tell them “If you really loved me you would respect my decision to wait.”
  3. Maintain friendships that will support you in this decision.
    • The best thing you can do is be around people who will help keep you accountable and encourage you.
  4. Decide where your boundaries are and don’t cross them.
    • Know what your boundaries are before you’re in a situation that may compromise your decision.
    • Remember that once a boundary is crossed, it’s a lot easier to cross them again. Do your best not to cross your boundaries so you don’t have to worry about working backwards again.
    • Ask yourself, “How much can I save?” rather than “How far can I go?” The more you save, the more you are protected from negative emotional effects of going too far.
  5. Avoid “high-pressure” situations.
    • Don’t get yourself in situations where it’s too difficult to stop.
    • Example: Don’t go over to your boyfriend/girlfriend’s house when their parents are away for the weekend.

Again, congratulations on making a wonderful decision for your future! You are not alone in your decision; thousands of people nationwide are making this decision. To hear some of their stories, click here.

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Practical Ways to Wait

You made a great decision! Waiting may not always be easy but it will definitely be worth your efforts!

The physical part of relationships can be fun and tempting, but if it is not the relationship that you will end up in, it is fun for a moment in exchange for hurts and consequences that can take a lifetime to heal. So you have to help yourself stick by your decision by planning ahead and making good choices.

Here are some tips to help make waiting a realistic and achievable lifestyle choice!

  1. Decide Now. If you make a decision outside of the heat of the moment it will help you to make the decision that you really want for your life.
  2. Set Boundaries. The idea is to make sure your boundaries are set at a level that you feel confident that you can uphold. Before you date, you need to set these boundaries. Talk about what your boundaries are when you enter a relationship.
  3. Group Dates. Another great way to make sure that boundaries aren’t crossed is to go out in a group with people you trust. This will give you less opportunity to cross your boundaries.
  4. Find Support. Set up accountability partners. Allow them to check up on you and to hold you to your decision of abstinence.
  5. Choose your Dates Carefully. Date people that have the same standards as you. It will be much harder to stick to abstinence if you are dating someone that wants to be sexually active.
  6. Avoid Tempting Situations. For example, it isn’t the best idea to hang out alone in a dark room with the door closed, or with no parents at home. The physical part of relationships can be very tempting so you have to help yourself.

Date Ideas

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Make an Abstinence Pledge

Sign a purity pledge

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1 Teen Pregnancy-So What? The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy (February 2004).